Red Sox Prove Murphy's Law (Again), Lose To A's

Wow. Last night was a head-shaker, wasn't it? You have Lester, a guy who is going pretty well in spite of his bizarre on-again off-again relationship with the strike zone, versus Esteban Loioza, a guy who has a pretty steady relationship going with Suck. You have a two-run lead going into the 7th in spite of leaving eleven baserunners stranded through that time. Then it all unravels.

Stranding guys is not at all out of the ordinary for this team. Historically it's one of their strengths, and getting a lot of guys on base means you'll strand some guys. It's disappointing that as a team they're hitting just .266 with RISP thus far into the season, but what can you do?

However, two-run errors by Loretta are certainly surprising. Having Willie Harris, whose only reason for being is baserunning, picked off first with nobody out is a little unnerving. Allowing Ronald McDonald to steal his first base of the season in a one-run game sort of bothers one a bit, doesn't it? I mean, that is just sloppy baseball.

I'm going to chalk it up to rust after the break, but when you're playing the A's and you're looking at Loioza, Zito, Haren, Blanton you kind of need to beat Loioza, don't you? At least, you should try.

The bright spot in the game was Varitek: two hits, two BBs and an RBI. Outside of he and Ortiz, guys did not look sharp. Manny in particular was missing the exact pitches he wanted, which doesn't warm the heart. Still, it's one game.

Looking further afield, a growing concern in my mind is Youks' slump. He is 5 for 39 and hitting .128 in July, and looks to be moving his front foot all over the place before he swings. In this lineup he needs to do two things up top - get on base, and drive in runs. He is not driving the ball right now, and this is hurting us. He is still trying to get on base through the walk but pitchers aren't afraid to throw him strikes so it's more difficult. We know he's a student of hitting though; he'll come around.

Breslow Promoted

The Sox brought LHP Craig Breslow up for a cup of coffee today. Craig has been doing a good job in relief for the PawSox, and is 5-1 thus far. In 45IP he's got a 50/17 BB/K figure, and overall has pitched very consistently throughout the season. He doesn't have a significant split against lefties, except perhaps that he likes to walk them, so I'm not sure how he'll be used if it all. Still, I'm glad he's getting a chance; he's got some ability and he'll get his feet wet.

It should also be noted that Craig is a pointy-headed former Yale student who loves to talk bonds and valences in the dugout, which makes him a teammate and crowd favorite. He was selected for the IL All-Star team, and although he did not make an appearance, he was able to successfully impart an understanding of Van der Waal's Forces to Andy Marte by using as metaphor Andy's easily severed relationship with the Red Sox organization.

Barry "U.S" Bonds

As a Red Sox fan living in San Francisco I have a somewhat unique perspective on the entire Barry Bonds fiasco so I am going to take ten minutes here and chip in. Not because I am not sick and tired of the entire affair, but because there is one particular aspect of it that is driving me crazy.

First off, let me be clear: I think Barry is a tool. He is a megalomanic, an enfant terrible, a deranged psychopath. Take your pick. Second, I think he knowingly used performance enhancing drugs. I think that because there is no other conclusion to come to unless you are willfully deceiving yourself. Third, I think when healthy Barry can hit a baseball, as well as anyone playing today.

So Barry will likely be indicted for perjury and/or tax evasion, and that's probably okay. In fact, in the grand scheme of things, it seems like that's a pretty decent deal for ol' Barry.

Here's the thing that bothers me. If one stipulates that my three points are true, and one agrees that Barry deserves his punishment, then how in hell is Jason Giambi getting a free pass? He absolutely qualifies for point #2, and that's the only one that's proscribed anywhere! This is the guy that kept the Bosox out of the 2003 World Series while at the very height of his PED abuse, and nobody says jack! He gained 40 pounds of muscle in three months, and nobody says jack! He is single-handedly keeping the Yankees in the AL East race, and nodoby says jack. I can only assume this is because of his heartfelt non-apology for using steroids.

Basically, Giambi IS Barry Bonds, except that he doesn't abrade the press. He doesn't qualify for point #1, and that seems to be getting him off the hook. So, logically, Barry is really being persecuted for being a douche, which, in a vacuum, I'm fine with. Unfortunately we are not in said vacuum.

Now, I'm glad that people are trying to clean up baseball, and certainly I cannot defend Barry Bonds, but I'll say this - the Giants are not going anywhere, with or without their 42-year old problem. If the Yankees somehow sneak into the playoffs because they were carried by a guy who is a paramount poster child for the abuse of performance-enhancing drugs, there should be a lot of pissed off fans in the town that gets bumped. I just hope it ain't us.

Sox with two new signees

The Sox have signed Rice reliever Bryce Cox and Stephen F. Austin pitcher Brian Steinocher. Of the two, the Cox signing is significantly more significant, as my great uncle Chim-Chim used to say. Cox has been assigned to Lowell, but general speculation is that he will not remain there.

Cox has been described as a "success story for guys who have the yips" by John Manuel, in that at one point in time last season he simply could not find the strike zone, a la Ebby Calvin 'Nuke' LaLoosh. After his pitching coach adjusted his arm angle he became silly dominant, but due to the poor overall stats on the season, or a fear that the yips would return, he fell to the Sox in the third round, and may turn out to be one of the steals of the draft.

ESPN mentions him here and says "This year, there are a number of players who have the potential to make an immediate impact in the big leagues. Of players drafted this year, North Carolina ace Andrew Miller and Rice's Bryce Cox appear ready to make the jump. Miller, the sixth overall choice, has been a favorite of the scouts all season. Cox, who pitched 2.2 innings of relief against Miami today and came into the game throwing 97 mph, was selected in the third round by the Boston Red Sox."

Cox pitched for Rice in College World Series last year, and made three appearances. Here are the lines from those games:

Game One: 2 2/3 IP, 0 BB, 1K, 0R
Game Two: 2 2/3 IP, 0BB, 2K, 0R
Game Three: 4 2/3IP, 0BB, 6K, 0R

In the biggest games of his career he was lights out. That's a lot of usage for a young kid over the span of a week, so the Sox may be seeing how his arm is feeling by sending him to short-season ball, and they'll definitely coddle him a bit, but as long as the Anti-Christ Brothers are on the roster I think he will be one to watch.

Steinocher was a kid who basically threw a ton of innings at SFAU, put up an ERA of just over four and got no run support. It's hard to know these things but at this point one assumes he's filler, but at least he's living the dream.

Manny Being Meniscus?

The current dialogue is around Manny missing the ASG because (maybe) of a meniscus tear in his balky knee. If this is the case, or even if the knee feels like it's the case, people should cut the shit with Manny. Having been the recipient of a torn meniscus I can say that under no circumstances would I go play for a bunch of fucking Suits with no interest in baseball (the only people who actually get tickets to the game) so I could have the pleasure of waking the next day with my knee locked up. If Manny doesn't improve my guess is they'll get him an MRI then DL him when the Super Genius comes back. The surgery would only keep him out for a month or so and he'd be fresh for the stretch run.

In other injury news, David Wells remains hopelessly obese, and Matt Clement remains mysteriously broken. Both are expected to move quietly to the suburbs and golf.

Red Sox vs. White Sox: Chicago Dreaming

Despite being brutalized by food poisoning the night before the flight I toughed it out and headed to Chicago this past weekend to enjoy the Sox in the city of the current World Champion White Sox. I went with two goals in mind. One, to watch the Sox play, and hopefully win, and two, to hurl insults at Ozzie Guillen until he charged the stands with a bat and started beating men, women and children to death indiscriminately until he reached my row. I achieved only goal number one, after my wily ticket shyster failed to come through with the third row seats I was promised. I had a great time, but I really had my heart set on being the straw that snapped Ozzie's fragile psyche.

The first thing you notice about some White Sox fans is that they are a bit like the geek Nouveau Riche here in the Bay Area. After years of punishment they're suddenly on top of the world, and they have no idea how to handle it. Unfortunately, in some cases their best guess seems to have been to act like Yankee fans, which makes for some uncomfortable conversations. This bad-apple subset by and large does not have much baseball knowledge. One guy said, in talking about how great it is to enjoy baseball for a world champion team, and I quote: "It's awesome sitting in the car on the way home listening to Podsednik hitting bombs". Granted, when Clement is pitching everybody has a chance, but still. There is no response to this statement that doesn't begin with the phrase "what is wrong with you?" I was unimpressed.

Nevertheless, by and large the people of Chicago are fantastic, and me and my Chitown-native friends had a blast. Especially watching the games Friday night and Saturday. Well, I had a blast; they got loaded and pretended it wasn't on.

After Lester's first couple of innings Friday night I was sure it was going to be the blowout we'd been keeping one eye open for - he had zero command of the strike zone. Zero. In fact, I've come around to thinking that he is so wild when he pitches that it is helping him. It's not like he's nibbling at the corners and hitters are waiting on one that misses just in their wheelhouse. He is missing by so much that when he throws a strike they are too stunned to hit it. By the time he settles in hitters haven't seen enough quality pitches to get a read on him, because in their first at-bat the ball was all over the place. Does this make sense? Not really, but it amuses me.

At any rate, Lester got the job done for 6 and MDC, Timlin and surprisingly Tavarez (trying to shake the Anti-Christ moniker) finished strong. The oddity of the game for me is that Brendan McCarthy, who pitched the 8th and part of the 9th for Chicago, gave up two dingers. This is the same Brendan McCarth who 3-hit the Sox last year. He was up in the zone this time, and it hurt him. I still think the kid has the stuff to be an impact pitcher if he stays healthy with his Ichabod Crane physique.

Saturday's day game, now referred to as the Burn Fest, was one of those wins where Red Sox fans were super-pissed for the first five innings, and White Sox fans were super-pissed the rest of the time. The watershed moment of the game of course was the Chisox failing to score with the bases loaded and nobody out in the 7th. Javier Lopez came in to K slugger Jim Thome and Hansen earned his socks by getting Konerko and Dye with some pretty sick pitches. This was good because it was Lopez who was traded to the Sox for David Riske, the same David Riske that took the loss for Chicago. This is one of those Muntz-ian "HAH-HAH!" moments we occasionally enjoy in life.

I missed Sunday's game while in the air (or most of it) but as everyone knows it turned into a very unnecessary 19-inning deathmatch featuring blown saves by both Papelbon and Timlin, and an eventual, predictable loss for Rudy "The Once and Former Anti-Christ" Seanez. Seanez is so unpredictable that you could use his ERA as an encryption key and feel pretty safe. On the more predictable side, Varitek went 0 for 8 in that game, bringing his two-game total in Chicago to 0-for-12. He was not singing "My Kind Of Town" on the flight home, methinks.

The Catcher position has become a bit of an issue for the Sox. Varitek is truly struggling at the plate. His numbers for the past week (small sample size, but these are shockingly bad):

AB	H	BB	K	OBP	OPS
28	3	2	12	0.167	0.488

No bueno. Naturally the strikeouts are the most appalling thing - he's striking out nearly 50% of the time. In fact, this line is positively Gorman Thomas-esque: feast or famine, and mostly famine.




Of his three hits, two were solo home runs, accounting for his two RBIs. One has to assume the guy is just gassed, but as grim as these numbers are, Tek has been in a consistent, prolonged, and pretty powerless slump for most of the season (see graph).

I'm not a professional scout, but to me it looks like his swing has just gotten insanely long, and slow. But then, it always looked a little like that. Perhaps he's just not seeing the ball well, or has suddenly aged 6 years.




On the other side of the bench we have the white spray-painted outline of Doug Mirabelli's corpse. Obviously, Dougie can't hit anything. On Saturday, apparently because he is an unconscionable tool, AJ Piersctgzinski was calling for Garcia to throw fastballs right down the gut how Dougie likes them, and Mirabelli was swinging right through them. He later singled up the middle off Riske just to piss GM Ken Williams and Ozzie Guillen off, and I respect that, but he is basically done. After the game Ozzie called him "fat, gay-looking, and a probably into tupperware", or something like that.

Also the thing with Dougie is the pitch-calling, if it can be called that. As I mentioned earlier, the reason Sox fans were pissed off through the first five innings (or maybe this was just me) was because Mirabelli was either making, or letting, Beckett throw almost nothing but fastballs for the first 5 innings. I mean nothing but fastballs. This may have been partly because it was a very hot day and Beckett is prone to blisters, but it was pretty tough to watch the White Sox sit dead-red on every pitch and get what they were looking for. He had pretty good location, but zero margin for error, especially since he didn't own the plate. For some bizarre reason they will not let him throw inside. If he is going to throw nothing but heat, there has to be some fear there. Plus, who knows, as a bonus one might get away and bean AJ Piersczhzynski.

All in all a good trip for me and the Sox, assuming noone has incurred a lasting ding from the marathon game. Going into the ASB with a couple games in the bag isn't a terrible place to be, even if you have no #5 starter, your catcher is aging faster than the average Drosophila melanogaster, and two of your bullpen relief have been called the Anti-Christ. In fact, it's good times.

Return to Red Sox Nation

It began like this, at lunch, circa 1pm PST.... "This has gone on long enough. Maybe they'll lose tonight and I will be called to account as the jinx. So be it. One man can only give so much."

Since that beginning the Sox have won in spectacular fashion, twelve in a row. As I had already begun writing I will consider myself off the hook, jinx-wise. Thank you Schill, Papi, and of course Coco Crisp. If you have not seen The Catch, as it will be known for the rest of this season at least, go to mlb.com and check out the video highlights. Youngsters throughout Red Sox Nation will be out in their backyards tomorrow with their buddies, hoping to get that perfect toss so they can emulate their new favorite player, and old favorite cereal. Tonight's game was everything sport can be, and baseball in particular is at it's best: a multi-faceted contest with stories within stories, and to top it all off, a grand finale.

First off we have the pitching matchup of two of the mound's elder statesmen in Schilling versus a red-hot Tommy Glavine (sub-plot: Glavine is a Concord, Massachusetts native). Both showed why they are great; Glavine struggling with his command a little but pitching to contact brilliantly, and Schill looking a little like the power pitcher of yore, being aggressive and missing some bats (6 Ks). Glavine got his pitch count up a little high and left early, after five.

Next, we have the game within the game, as Crisp scores the go-ahead run in uncharacteristic fashion for the Sox. He bunts to get on, then steals second. AGon sac bunts him to third and he scores on a Youks sac fly. Those with more free time can check on this, but I'll wager that's the only run we score in that manner all season.

There is the sub-plot of two exciting rookies; the now-dominant closer Paps for the Sox, and the oddly-named and maybe a little nutty Lastings Milledge for the Mets. One assumes the day will come when they are on opposite sides of the All-Star diamond, but now the ride is still climbing, climbing. If Milledge keeps high-fiving the 'suits' in the box seats who don't know how to score games after he hits dingers, he could quickly become a fan favorite. Papelbon of course already is.

As counter-balance to the story of the two rookies, the Mets started Julio Franco today. Amazingly, after ruling Spain with an iron fist, Franco went on to play in the majors for 32 years. He is still catching up to the occasional fastball, and getting picked off. Good for him. Franco is one my favorite players, because he is so goddamn old that he's getting a pass on the whole performance-enhancing drugs thing. They're like "ah, leave him be, he'll be dead soon". Julio of course won't take this standing up, but he will take it wandering between second and short, wondering if he left the gas on.

Finally, we have the personal story, whereby my fantasy middle reliever Aaron Heilman comes in and takes the loss. This is why I always play my guys against the Sox: if they suck, I still like it. I am crafty.

No matter how you look at it tonight's game was a classic. Well worth the $3.75 to download from MLB.tv (no they don't give me money) and watch over and over again, while your wife makes annoying comments in the background, as if she hasn't seen every Friends episode 14 times. Ah, good times.

So...Twelve in a row. It seems like just a couple weeks ago I was wading through the nightmarish jungle of home buying, watching a Sox team that just wasn't putting it together, and writing that perhaps they weren't built to go deep this year after all. Caviat of course - they needed to replace Clement, who was clearly sucking the life out of every game he started, and causing me to hear angry voices in labrador-ese. Enter Jon Lester, who quite frankly has been better than I expected at this level. I wasn't sure he had the fire, but he looks like he has raised his game. Some guys do. Add Hansen and MDC as full-timers, and this club has an injection of energy and life. These guys have obviously put it together now, and this is as fun a ride as I've had since, oh, October 2004.

Going back a bit further, to the topic I started writing about....Last night was Pedro Martinez's not-so-long awaited, much-ballyhooed return to Fenway as a Met. There seemed to be a lot of debate over whether or not the Fenway Faithful would, or should, boo Pedro. This was a no-brainer. You cannot boo Pedro Martinez. Why not? Let's see:

• He is the greatest pitcher to take the mound in a Red Sox uniform since Cy Young. Clemens will be greater, career-wise, but some of his Sox years were not his best. This can be debated, of course, but over my dead body will that fat horse's ass get more love than Petey.
  
• He did not mail it in, ever (for reference on mailing it in, see Clemens, above).
• He was entertaining, to the point of being insane (for reference, see Nelson the Good Luck Dwarf).
• He considers boos to be just as good as cheers - at least we're paying attention to him.

That's the thing about Pedro; he doesn't care about anything except being on the mound, being the center of attention, and having his fans. His relationship with the FO soured because they weren't big enough Pedro fans, hence his angry description of them as "computer geeks". On the contrary though, his relationship to Sox fans will never sour, because of the heaping adulation we gave him during his tenure here. To Pedro, now, if you cheer for him, it's because you still love him, and if you boo him, it's because you are jealous he's gone, like a jilted lover. It's all good. So why not look back on all the tremendous performances he gave us, and cheer your lungs out for a slightly crazy primadonna who at least had the stuff to back it up?

Thankfully, that's exactly what Fenway did. It made me proud.

I should note here that Captain Cavechrist has some similar personality traits, and obviously was a great Sox player, and probably deserved a warmer welcome than he got. But he did two things that Pedro did not. One, he went to the Yankees. Two, he went to the Yankees scant months after stating categorically that could never play for the Yankees. That is considered bad form in polite company (although in drunken caveman company I suppose it's de rigeur).

At any rate, the Sox themselves were not quite so kind to our jheri-curled former ace, and slapped him around like a rented mule. I myself was hoping for Pedro to pitch well but lose, just for old times's sake. In the end though, I guess I'll take the rout.

Now, ome quick notes on the new guys, from the Small Sample Size Press:

Daniel Bard: Okay, he still isn't signed, but the kid pitched unbelievably in the College World Series, and was victimized by his inability to field his position and some truly retahded baserunning by his teammates. The only thing you need to know is this: he was hitting 98 MPH on the gun in the 8th inning of the game, and he threw nothing but fastballs after the 4th. That's right. Wow.

Zach Daeges: The left-handed hitter from Creighton showed up ready to play. He's hitting .300 in 30 ABs with 6 RBIs, and had his second game winning hit last night in the 12th inning. When you add to that the fact that his name is extremely awkward to spell or say, you've got to love this kid.

Aaron Bates: Another Spinner, Bates is getting on base at a .400 clip while hitting .346 to better Daeges. Amazingly, he's also struck out 9 times, a better than 25% rate. He's a tad too aggressive, but there seems to be little doubt that the kid can hit. And kill women in the shower. That's right - I'm going to beat that joke to death until he makes the Show. So suck it.

Travis Beazley: Beazley is looking very good on the mound thus far, giving up just 3 ER in 11 IP, and striking out 8. More importantly, his WHIP is 0.82. He's still waiting for a Win, of course, but he's doing it in style. It's true he was a D3 pitcher in college, but still, the kid struck out 108 guys in just 88 innings, and walked a mere 18 for a 6/1 K/BB ratio. He has some ability.

High-school pitcher Caleb Clay and JuCo shortstop Kris Negron signed this week, and reported to the GCL. Clay in particular seems to be worth watching, and I'll try to keep this site updated occasionally with his and some of the other young guns' progress.

Movin' On Up

Yes, yet another double entendre! What are the odds.

This is a short post to apologize for the dearth of Sox-related mocking and pseudo-analysis but I am in the midst of moving house, and as everyone knows this process is death.

Today's news of course is the signing of Indians castoff Jason Johnson. Herald has a quick riff here. There are two things of note about Johnson, off the cuff. One, he is diabetic, which means he holds a special place in my heart as my sister is also diabetic and I have the utmost respect for people who deal with the condition. Two, he appears to have a bizarre groundball to flyball ratio this year - 2.53:1 according to fangraphs.com. That is generally a good thing. His HR/9 is right around 1.1 which is not AWFUL, so I guess I don't know how someone with those peripherals can get beaten up as much as he has in his last eight games (he's 1-7 with a 7.74 ERA).

Oh wait, maybe it's the nearly .350 BABIP opponents are enjoying against him. Granted, Cleveland's infield defense is not spectacular - Jhonny Peralta does look like he's hitting the buffet between innings - but either he's tremendously unlucky or guys are hitting the aforementioned ground balls so hard they are unplayable. I guess we'll see. Historically he looks like your run of the mill #5.

And, um, he's probably better than Snyder or Clement.

Bear with me while I move, and once the Sox lose and I cannot be blamed for jinxing them I'll return with even more caustic wit than ever. Or, failing that, the general rambling you've come to expect.

Sox Trade Riske For LOOGY

It's true. Theo just traded David Riske for a giant ball of phlegm. Oh wait, no, that was an internet hoax. He traded Riske for Left-handed One-Out Guy Javier Lopez (MLB splits here).

There is some speculation that this is a knee-jerk reaction to The New and Improved Anti-Christ and Manny "Still Un-nicknamed" Delcarmen giving up grand slams to lefties in back-to-back games. There is some other speculation that they've been looking for a deal on a LOOGY for some time, and had been waiting for a reasonable deal to come along. It doesn't really matter. Riske has pitched about 9 innings this year, and it seemed like Tito didn't have much confidence in him. On the other hand, Tito seems to like same-same matchups late in the game, as we saw with unkillable psychopathic turncoat Mike Myers last year and the year before.

Despite rather unimpressive career numbers (although the lefty splits are fine) Vasquez is pitching quite well in AAA so far this year for the Charlotte Knights, with an ERA of 0.55, and 26 Ks to 6 BBs in 33 innings. Plus, just one dinger. At age 29 has he figured something out? Maybe, let's hope so, who's to say? I'm betting we'll find out soon enough as he appears to be arriving with the big club in Minnesota today.

My favorite thing about this trade thus far is that Baseball-Reference.com has listed as one of his (Vasquez's) historically similar pitchers 1950s beanpole Bunky Stewart. As if it weren't bad enough that he went by "Bunky" the guy was 6'0", 155 lbs! Apparently his career was cut short when a comebacker to the mound shattered his body into 17 pieces.

That's all the news for today, no new signings that I've seen. I did find out that Zach Daeges was an accounting major at Creighton and graduated with a 3.31 GPA, so it seems my assessment of him as too serious to mock was correct. Unfortunately for Zach, accounting majors are too freakish NOT to mock, so we are at a standoff that will probably end up leaning towards mock.

I would also like to plug the new forum at http://www.redsoxstatsguy.com (very good site). It's new and doesn't have a messageboard gestapo in place yet, so if you haven't been sharing in the online chatter due to fear of a beatdown by some loser, check this new forum out. Our beatdowns will be gentle and caring.

2006 Red Sox Draftee Update

Red Sox Draftee Update:

Quick notes on the guys that have signed thus far (lotta help from Google and SOSH)...

#40: Kristofer Johnson, LHP, Wichita State

• Again, he hates the Yankees. Should start in Lowell. Almost all the way back from Tommy John surgery, already hitting 93 on his fastball. Reputedly high ceiling.
  

#44: Caleb Clay, RHP, Cullman HS (ALA)

• Probably heading to the Gulf Coast League if not extended spring training. Children of the Corn-esque name should strike fear into the hearts of opposing hitters
  

#71: Justin Masterson, RHP, San Diego State

• When he's not keeping the wild west free of scoundrels, Masterson should be throwing 2-inning stints in Lowell soon. He's 6' 6" with a low-90s fastball and hard slider. Note: "At 6-6, 245 pounds, Masterson also is a presence on the mound. He had double-digit strikeout totals in several starts this season, and against TCU he retired 22 straight batters and took a one-hitter into the ninth inning." Expected to make the Bigs.
  

#83: Aaron Bates, 1B/C, NC State

• Bates is a ready-to-play hitter who was listed as the #3 pure hitter in college. He won the Cape Cod HR Derby in 2005, so he brings some of the corner power the team has been criticized (by me, in some places) for lacking. Family owns a ramshackle motel chain.
  

#133: Jonathan Still, C, NC State [Lowell]

• Winner of the 2006 MLB Draft Ironic Name Award. Catcher Still is known for his power, and his statuesque (read: monolithic) bearing. He is not fast. Nevertheless, reports are he can hit. SLG .495 at NC State.
  

#163: Dustin Richardson, LHP, Texas Tech

• Another giant, the 6' 6" lefty can be dominant or lose his shit. He'll go to Lowell, but will he stay? The advice he was given by a Red Sox official was to "enjoy my time playing". That's some damn fine advice, should help him get guys out. Not a sure thing, apparently, but I'd say it's worth it to take a chance on a giant lefty who looks like Doph Lundgren. I look forward to these exchanges between Dustin and opposing batters:

Dustin: I must break you.
Batter: What?
Dustin: I must break you.
Batter: Dude, I'm wearing a helmet and you're like 100 feet away. I can't hear shit.

#193: Zach Daeges, 3B, Creighton

• Daeges will go to Lowell and I would assume take over 3B. He should do well in rookie ball. It's speculated that he will be moved to the OF, but I guess not right away. He strikes me as too serious to mock.
  

#373: Ryan Khoury, SS, Utah

• My current favorite draftee will go to Lowell where he will probably be moved to 2B, and will definitely be shocked by the awesome power of full-alcohol beer. Expect him to lead the league in Missed Groupie Chances as the beer dulls his senses and causes him to mistake the sexually aggressive shouting of Western Mass. women for anger.
  

#403: Jordan Craft, RHP, Dallas Baptist (CA)

• The Craft will practice his dark magic in the GCL. He pitched relief for DB, so I would assume he'll do the same at Lowell. His 6' 3", 185 lb. frame is described as "projectible" which is a stupid term baseball people use to make themselves feel important. Really it means "might get bigger/better/stronger/bionic".
  

#703: Paul Smyth, OF, San Diego State

• The latest signee will also start in Lowell, likely as a back-up OF. Smyth bears a disturbing resemblance to crazy person Tony Robbins (see?), but perhaps he can use that to motivate teammates during the tough times. On a more serious note, Smyth led SDSU in almost every offensive category, including smell.
  

#913: Donald Lawson, RHP, University of West Alabama

• I'll be honest, I don't believe Donald Lawson exists. But if he does, he'll be in Lowell. Actually it appears he might go by the name "Ryne", which makes some sense, since Donald is a crappy name.
  

#973: Mike Chambers, 2B, Franklin Pierce

• Mike is another big favorite here since he went to Franklin Pierce like my friend Mel's brother. Not only that, but he's already put a ball over the Monstah! We're all hoping he's this year's Natale. He'll have some trouble playing behind Khoury, but perhaps Khoury will get some games at SS and we'll see what Mike's got.
  

#1153: Travis Beazley, RHP, Randolph:Macon College [Lowell]

• A two-way star at Macon College, Beazley was drafted as a pitcher after striking out 108 in 88 IP, and putting up an ERA of 1.94. He once struck out 17 in a single game. He also led the team in hitting, batting .378 for the season. Travis is an inspirational figure, too, having overcome a tough case of "Southern Mouth".
  

#1301: Jeff Vincent, OF, Niagara

• Jeff began focusing on baseball in college after claiming an imaginary girlfriend in the "Niagara Falls vicinity" and getting busted since he was actually living there at the time. This proved to be a good move, as Jeff went on to put up some impressive numbers. Note: "The 2006 first-team All-Metro Atlantic Athletic Conference pick and MAAC All-Tournament selection hit .304 in his career with 177 hits, 125 runs, 35 doubles, 18 home runs and 117 RBIs. He holds school records for triples (12) and stolen bases (54)." Here he is practicing his patented 'awkward high five'. He'll go to Lowell and play OF as a back-up.
  

#1443: Josh Papelbon, RHP, North Florida

• At this point Josh needs no introduction. A submarine-style pitcher who closed for North Florida, Josh doesn't have the velocity of his older brothers Jon and Jeremy, but led the family in "noogies" as well as "wedgies" and "swirlies". He was very effective in relief for NF. He held right-handed hitters to a .214 batting average in 41+ innings of work, walked just 14 hitters and allowed only two home runs. He had an 8.64/9 ratio, which is pretty solid, and had 24 saves. He's a longshot, for sure, but he's unorthodox, and a competitor.

That's all we have for now. There are a few more guys we should be signing soon, and a few more we might not (LaPorta, Anderson would be nice though). I'll try to keep this updated with new signings and mockery, so check back.

Newsdesk: Julian Tavarez Is The Anti-Christ

I think we've all been eyeballing this moment for some time now. Julian Tavarez, heretofore known as The Jeep, has taken the mantle from Rudy Seanez. Tavarez is now the Anti-Christ, while Seanez is relegated to nickname purgatory, just another aging mediocre reliever we hope not to notice.

Seanez, who at the beginning of the season was so appallingly awful that I bled from eyes watching him pitch, has actually put together a 10-game stretch with an RA of 2.00 (although obviously he pimped Pauley for the Yankee loss in another game where the bats quit). Tavarez, on the other hand, has an RA of 7.36 in the same time frame, and causes the average Sox fan to self-mutilate each time he warms up. So, he is now the New and Improved Anti-Christ. See below:



The annoying thing about Tavarez's role in the debacle (and by role I mean "chief executor") is that given his craptacular performances over the past couple of weeks, wouldn't you have rather seen ANYONE ELSE on the mound to close out a one-run game? Seriously.

Looking back, there were two plateaus of knowledge in the bottom of the 12th tonight. The first occurred when The New and Improved Anti-Christ took the mound, and you knew the Sox had lost. The second occurred when he loaded the bases, and you knew the Sox had lost with great ignominy, via a rookie grand slam. This second plateau was infinitely more painful, watching and waiting for Kubel to hit it out. And there was no doubt in my mind that he would hit it out.

So, in the past 72 hours the Sox have lost a game to John "Way-Back" Wasdin (I can't decide, but I think this is less palatable; I mean at least Santana pitched tonight), and lost on a walk-off granny in a game during which they struck out 16 times. Statisticians who don't believe in the concept of "clutch" must be ecstatic right now - Manny and Papi combined for an 0-10 line with 6 Ks between them. Only Crisp's 0-6 with 2 Ks and 7 LOB compares.

The silver lining, again, was Schilling's simply massive performance on the mound for the Sox. He doesn't make batters look ridiculous like Santana can, but this was just him stepping up and saying "you know what, you guys can't hit this kid, fine - I'll keep you in it". Just amazing. he deserved better, but certainly Santana deserved the win too, so basically they're both in the same boat. Well, almost. Tomorrow Santana gets to say "at least we got the win", while Curt gets to say "I don't know what the hell is wrong with this team - they suck".

Right now, that is a very real problem. This team kind of sucks. It's getting painful, and it's unnecessary. There is more than enough talent in this lineup to score enough runs to win, even with their ofttimes terrible pitching staff. But they just don't do it. At some point Tito is going to have to kick these guys in the ass.

Regardless, unless a late-season youth movement is far more successful than anyone could predict, it appears this team just might not be prepared to go to the playoffs. New York refuses to give ground despite their injuries, Toronto is for real, Detroit and Chicago are obviously damn good, and really the Sox are a team that just doesn't win games they should. According to their expected win percentage they should be 33-29 right now instead of 36-27, and if that normalizes over the course of the year, they are looking at somewhere in the vicinity of 87 wins. That won't get it done, most likely.

Now, there is a ton of baseball left to be played, and truth be told the Red Sox teams of the past 4-5 years have limped into the All-Star break, including the 2004 team. So the sky is not exactly falling, but it's pretty safe to say there are some storm clouds on the horizon.

The fun part of the Olde Hometown Team going into a funk is all the wild imaginings about the younger guys down on the farm. Lester, Hansen, Pedroia, Murphy - at any moment one of them could ride in like young Jon Papelbon and save the day! And that would be great, and maybe it'll happen. Right now it's a sub-plot that's enjoyable to watch and on which we speculate over beers at the local watering hole. Pretty much just like everything else about baseball season.

I guess that's why even when your team loses on a rookie granny in the bottom of the 12th, with the Anti-Christ on the mound, you're still glad it's baseball season.

Couple Bites From The Sox Draft

Blogger pimped me yesterday, but today we shall try again. Will I be able to recreate all my painstaking research? Probably not. But I'll make up for it with even more mockery than ever. I'm kidding of course, the mockery bar has been set so high that it cannot even be approached.

First a quick note on tonight's Sox hammering of the Yanks. It was way overdue. End of story. Well, not totally end of story. I just want to point out my favorite incident of the night, which was happy-go-lucky Coco Crisp going batshit in the dugout after grounding out with the bases jacked in the sixth. I was pretty surprised to see him get so fired up, but I am a bigger fan of his than I was before. His coming back to drive in two RBIs with two outs his next at-bat was huge, and I think that fire will serve this team well. I've been on Coco somewhat since his return because he's been finding his way a bit, but regardless of the slow restart, you have to love Coco. Coco is a ballplayer.

So, as promised, some quick hits from the Red Sox shopping day in the 2006 MLB Draft. It should go without saying that I will avoid talking about first rounders Bard and Place: that's why you have the Globe.

The next two picks are far more interesting to me anyway: pitchers Kris Johnon at #40, a lefty, and Caleb Clay at #44, a righ-hander (we got a lot of those).

Johnson is intriguing because he a) hates the Yankees and b) is not media-savvy. Just about his first quote after being drafted? "Hopefully, maybe someday I'll get to Fenway (Park) and pitch against that evil empire of the baseball world known as the Yankees," he said Tuesday outside Eck Stadium. "I've never really liked the Yankees. Not one bit. The whole money deal -- they just go out and buy All-Stars every day. That's not how baseball should be done. This just couldn't get any better right now." Haha! He already has Schilling's charm, now if he pitches half as well he'll be a fan favorite. The article is here.

Clay is a big position player turned pitcher, and has shown a great work ethic. Good article on that here. The short version is the kid is new to pitching with a fresh arm, works hard, and throws 94 mph. Bueno. His high school coach seemed to take a real shine to the kid too..."Caleb is as good a high school talent as I've seen," Bowen said. "His raw skill, his ability to hit, throw, run and of course pitch. He has all that athleticism and I think he'll go high in the draft. Three or four years from now, if it's his goal and it's something he wants to do, he has a good shot at being in the big leagues." Caleb Clay is a big league name, so here's hoping he gets it done.

Jumping up to pick #193 we grabbed one of our few positional players in Zachary Daeges, a 3B from Creighton. Daeges improved at the plate steadily throught his playing years and his senior year was something to write home about. An average of .350, OPS of 1.053 and 61 RBIs in just 214 ABs. That's pretty impressive folks. MLB has a scouting video of Daages, but this video of a single pure swing is better by far. The kid made You Tube! Like 5 times! I don't know what that means but I'm a little impressed.

Another prospect who made the internet on his own is Columnes JC Player of the Year Kris Negron - shortstop chosen at #223. He has a My Space page that he updated (he made it private after the draft; wonder why) immediately upon being drafted by the Sox with a giant Sox logo. He also refers to himself on the page by a term I assume people call him at school, "That One Brown Dude", which I thought showed a pretty healthy ability not to take himself too seriously. The kid can play some ball though - check it out. He is perhaps my favorite draftee.

My next favorite (or perhaps favorite, they're neck and neck) is another shortstop by the name of Ryan Khoury who we got at #373, the Utah Utes all-time hits leader. He is basically Dustin Pedroia, at least thats the impression he gives when he says "I've always been a small little runt kid that's running around out there trying to figure out ways to get stuff done". This is the article, and Khoury has put up some pretty impressive stats as you can see. I look forward to he and Negron battling it out in rookie ball. Good times.

Last for today is high-schooler Devin Foreman of Hales Franciscan, pick #883. Good Sun-Times article on him here. The highlight is this quote: "The way he hit the ball just stopped traffic," Thornton said. "The sound of the ball coming off his bat was just unbelievable." I haven't been able to figure out his signability, but it's easy to get excited about a kid when you read things like that. Especially at pick 883.

Next blog I'll try to take a look at some of the stretch signings, and we can follow the negotiations. The ones that got away can leave a mark of course (see Pedro Alvarez who escaped us laast year, and who is going to just be a beast), so we should identify them now to maximize our future angst.

Red Sox Draft Notes - Part One

Most people, normal people, don't even know when the MLB amateur draft is. Disturbed people like me watch MLB draft tracker whenever the opportunity arises during the day, then recap it at night. Why? To some degree because Jason Schmidt is so unhittable right now that I don't have to really pay attention to the Giants, my adopted west coast team. To a larger, more accurate degree, because following the kids up the ladder is infinitely more satisfying than watching the big league club drop should-win games to lacklustre teams.

The amateur draft is one of the great crap shoots. First you gotta navigate "signability" which is an amalgam of the kid's willingess to sign a contract within reason (versus for example going to college or having Scott "Satan" Boras as an 'advisor') and Selig's office's determination of what the slot's bonus money should be for his draft position. Occasionally Bud will give you a ring if you're looking to overpay, and will whine. Good overview of how this last part plays out here. Next, the kid has to have a true major league ceiling. Most won't make it. Lastly, especially for pitchers, they have to stay healthy. I tend to believe this gambling element is what makes it so much fun. They're all underdogs.

Anyway, a quick recap of the Sox picks today with a great heaving sigh of thanks to The Boomer over at SOSH for doing the keystrokes for us:

(1st) 27. Jason Place -47
(1st) 28. Daniel Bard -15
(supp) 40. Kris Johnson -45
(supp) 44. Caleb Clay -90
(2nd) 71. Justin Masterson -24
(3rd) 83. Aaron Bates - 99
(3rd) 103. Bryce Cox
(4th) 133. Jon Still
(5th) 163. Dustin Richardson
(6th) 193. Zach Daeges
(7th) 223. Kris Negron
(8th) 253. Rafael Cabreja
(9th) 283. Ryan Kalish -95
(10th) 313. Kyle Snyder
(11th) 343. Brandon Belt -67
(12th) 373. Ryan Khoury
(13th) 403. Jordan Craft -119
(14th) 433. Matt LaPorta -38
(15th) 463. Jorge Jimenez
(16th) 493. Ty Weeden
(17th) 523. William Reddick
(18th) 553. Lars Anderson -41

The numbers adjacent to the names indicate their Baseball America ranking. These rankings are much-debated from what I've seen, but nevertheless, the Sox have 10 guys in the top 100 here. That's good. When you see a guy go in the 18th round but he was ranked #41, it's a pretty good indicator there is a signability issue - this is the case with Lars Anderson, a well-liked high school bat. Ditto with LaPorta at overall pick #433. These are guys that most teams feel they won't be able to sign, so they fall to the uber-rich teams who can afford to take fliers on them, like the Sox. Still, in most cases these guys will be elsewhere than rookie or A-ball next year.

There are a lot of interesting draftees to look at, and I'll cover a few of the ones that interested me tomorrow or the next day. Meanwhile, take a look at the MLB Draft Tracker and enjoy! You can go to the Teams tab and select the Red Sox via their icon links and get a good listing and some commentary on each pick. Good times for the whole family.

Steinbrenner Calls In Favor From Anti-Christ

Well, I think we all learned a valuable lesson tonight - the two wrongs don't make a right lesson I've been ducking all these years. I thought perhaps that on 6.6.06 The Anti-Christ might be able to use his powers for good, but this was not the case. Rudy Seanez was seen talking to an elderly horned gentleman who smelled of bryl-cream and tapioca and was sporting an oudated turtleneck, and shortly thereafter he coughed up the ballgame by walking famed cheater Jason "HGH" Giambi.

Say what you will about DJ Juicy G, but he's got the best eye in baseball. The Anti-Christ kind of needed to throw strikes there. Of course, if in fact the conspiracy theory is accurate, maybe he didn't. So hard to know the inner workings of the anti-christ.

All we Sox fans know is there goes another disheartening loss against a team that we know in our hearts and minds is inferior. When will it stop? I honestly can't say. I keep waiting for this team to show some sack, and it keeps chucking me. This might be a simple mid-season identity crisis, though. We could still be waiting for the right catalyst to energize this new group of Bosox. The Arod bitch-slap has been used, but it's a classic, so who knows?

I'll briefly address the most glaring incongruity we're seeing right now - Youks batting eighth while a mis-firing Crisp hits leadoff. Tito likes to go optimist, but Crisp just isn't seeing the ball that well right now and the added pressure doesn't seem to be helping. Given that he's a reasonable guy and a team player, I think you have to look at moving Coco down in the lineup. Youks has earned the right to hit up top: until he loses that right it seems the smart move is to keep him there and let Crisp work his way back into hitting shape.

Coming soon: Some Red Sox draft notes from a pretty good day.

Yankee Farm Team Crushes Red Sox Ace

If I actually wrote a newspaper column that would be my headline. Only the good lord, and maybe Dave Wallace, know what the hell is wrong with Josh Beckett, but when you have his stuff and you give up a home run to Andy "I Must Swing As Hard As I Can At Every Pitch Or I'm Not Satisfied" Phillips, you are 'teh suck'.

Every Yankee and sub-Yankee got a hit last night. This list includes the aforementioned Phillips but also such superstars as Miguel Cairo, Melky Cabrera, and the taxidermied body of Bernie Williams, operated by strings from the mezzanine. Almost all of these hits occurred before the 4th inning no less - the tin lining is that Riske, the Jeep, and MDC only allowed three hits between them.

Beckett sucking is pretty tough but last night's loss is a killer in a lot of ways beyond that.

First off, we had a perfect opportunity to put a shiv in the side of our arch-rivals last night. Ace on the mound, Mussina not looking great this year, and the Yankees trotting out as crappy a team as we've seen in the Bronx in a decade. Even Captain Intangibles, "Brokeback" Jeter was out. The Sox should have been the ones pounding on the Spanks, not the other way around. They just haven't shown the killer instinct yet this year, and it's troubling.

Then, the 'pen. Van Buren, who has actually pitched pretty well when not utterly pimped as he was last night, is now done, and will probably be sent down. We also blew through three other relievers the night before our AA stalwart Dave Pauley has to take the mound for his first trip to the Toilet. I'm thinking this means the call-up to replace Van Buren will need to be capable of throwing a few innings, but it terrifies me to think of Alvarez pitching to the Spanks. Maybe we will see Breslow or Hertzler, who have both pitched well. Still, no matter how you slice it, Wednesday's game does not shape up well on the pitching front. Foulke and Papelbon are available, if we get that far.

Next: Ortiz and Varitek continue to struggle and the hits aren't coming in bursts for the team as a whole. Papi is now hitting .257 for the season, and looks positively disgruntled at the plate. I don't know how else to describe it. As much as he's walking already, I tend to think he is perhaps too eager to swing, to get in the game. Varitek hit into two murderous double-plays last night, and then got shamie-shamed by Mirabelli who went yard! Overall, we saw a lot of tentative at-bats last night. Mussina was not throwing hard, was missing spots, and guys were not hitting pitches they should have - in short, an exact replica of the Sox' last game against Moose. For some reason, hitters seem to give him credit for being better than he now is, and guys are not teeing off on his just-better-than-mediocre stuff the way they should.

You have to believe this team is playing hard, and we know this team wants to win. The pitching is suspect, and there have been some unfortunate injuries, but the Sox have got to beat a poor Yankee team like the one that suited up last night. They have to. Tonight's game is going to be an uphill battle, as Pauley will undoubtedly struggle, and the Sox don't tend to score bunches of runs against Wang (he just bought some property at the Great Wall of China - on the good side), but somehow they need to find a way to get it done.

Here's what I'm thinking: today is 6/6/06. If there were ever a night Rudy Seanez, here known as the Anti-Christ, should be strong, tonight is the night. If push comes to shove, and he has to cause Yankee batters to burst into flame, so be it. We need the win.

Dave Pauley, okay!

The stat line wasn't impressive, but you have to feel pretty good about Pauley's start last night. He got in and out of trouble a couple times, and had some trouble throwing strikes, but a lot of it was nerves. Even the terrible final inning could have been avoided if Loretta doesn't bobble the double-play ball, and Manny makes any kind of attempt to catch the pop fly ball. All things being equal, for a kid to make the jump from AA and pitch against a Jays lineup that is impressive even without Red Sox cannibal Vern Wells, and keep the team in the game for 5 innings - shit, I'll take that. I'd rather have Pauley on the mound instead of Clement anyday.

The big story of last night: Dougie Mirabelli gets a hit! An extra base hit, no less. Since the "big" trade, Doug Mirabelli was hitting .130 with one extra-base hit and 2 RBIs (now .167 with two XBHs!). His slugging percentage was .174. He is still striking out 25% of the time. In short, he is the just about the worst hitter in all of MLB, with only Edgardo Alfonso and maybe Rondell White keeping him from the distinction.

Josh Bard in 46 ABs in a pitchers park has 5 HRs, 15 RBIs, and is hitting .391 with a slugging pct. of .826 (that's an OPS over 1.200). What the...?

Defensively, Josh Bard with one month's prior experience with Wakefield (53 innings, mostly Timmeh) had 10 passed balls and had to be traded. In his 46 innings (of which about a dozen were not Timmeh) Dougie has 4 passed balls, in spite of two full years catching Wake. Essentially, Dougie is about 2 passed balls better. I hope those 2 PBs have saved about 3 wins so far...cuz.....ummm....yeah.

Oh, I forgot - we also gave SD a decent relief prospect in Cla Meredith, because Mirabelli was worth it. I was all for fixing the Bard defensive issue at the time of the trade, and lord knows I wasn't too high on Bard when we got him, but this is not working out too well so far. Perhaps everyone should have been more patient?

Obviously Bard cannot keep up his hitting, but Dougie needs to get nearly 2X better to prevent this from becoming a pretty lopsided deal. We have no decent young catchers in the system either, which makes it worse, given that with Dougie's fitness/fatness level he won't last long in the bigs period. I guess on the bright side Cincy has three back-up catchers, and they must be looking forward to doing another deal with us, so there's that.

Further good news! Wily Mo is out for 6-8 weeks, and will be at less than 100% for the remainder of the year if Big Papi is to believed. Ugh. That just sucks. The Craig Wilson Brigade on SOSh is already clamoring for the acquisition of the big lug, and I have to say, it makes some sense.

These are the dog days, no doubt about it. For today I am just going to ride the win.

Note: Off to New Orleans for a wedding, so if this ends up being my last post, it's been real.

Houston, We Have A Problem

For one, you appear to be stealing our #1 starter for the rest of the season. But that's not really what I mean. Today was an absolutely horrific day for the Boston Red Sox franchise, at nearly every level.

The Red Sox themselves, as everyone must know by now, were brutalized by the Jays, proving once again that they cannot hit purely mediocre lefty Gustavo Chacin. As it turns out, they really just can't hit lefties period, as the team's season average against them was at .253 going into the game, and no doubt got worse.

Vernon Wells on the other hand proved once again that if he could hit against the Sox every day of the week he would be the greatest hitter of all time bar none, and people would be saying "Barry Who?". Vern connected for 3 HRs on three awful pitches, and now has 8 dingers against the Sox for the season. He has 7 against everyone else.

If I were still paying for cellular phone time by the minute and somebody asked me what happened in this game, I'd say "Beckett couldn't hit his spots, the Sox couldn't hit Chacin, and Vernon Wells couldn't NOT hit a dinger". That pretty much sums it up. Right now, Toronto is simply a better team than the Sox.

The loss, painful as it is to a division rival, was made even more painful by the fact that Todd Jones coughed up an extra-inning loss to the MFYs by throwing DJ Juicy G a hanging curveball that he spasmed into the right-field stands. Not good, not good on any count.

So, after suffering the agony of defeat I tried to ease my pain by seeing how our young proteges in the minors had fared. This was not as soothing as I had hoped, although there were certainly more positives to take away than there were from the big-league club.

Pawtucket lost 3-2 but got three strong pitching performances from Jimmy Serrano (has yet to mention Jobu), Barry Hertzler who took the loss on an unearned run, and LH reliever Craig Breslow. Serrano's season ERA dipped down to 3.05, and while he doesn't miss a lot of bats he might have some value to someone. Hertzler was recently promoted from Portland (AA) where he had a 1.05 ERA, and seems to have transitioned well in his first two games. Breslow struck out the side, and has been getting a lot of Ks in recent outings. I'm thinking he is probably the next logical relief call-up if the 'pen continues to crumble.

Obviously in a 3-2 game the bats weren't exactly lively, Stern the biggest offender with an 0-5 collar. He is not hitting, which makes me sad since I am high on him. However, recently promoted David Murphy had two hits including a double and also walked, and Pedroia also had two hits.

In Portland things get a little depressing. Phil Seibel provides the happy place, pitching 5 one-hit innings. Phil has been pretty damn good. In 50 A and AA innings coming into tonight his ERA is well under two, and he has struck out 46 while only walking nine. Phil doesn't get a lot of press but so far I am liking his style. So the Seadogs headed into the 9th up 5-1 and all hell broke loose. Big Edgar Martinez, a hard-throwing converted catcher who appears to be in the midst of his first confidence crisis gave up 5 runs without getting a single guy out. The Sea Dogs end up losing in crushing fashion 7-5.

Way down in Greenville, the story sounds familiar with rookie starter Clay Bucholz doing fair job keeping them in the gme before embattled reliever JT Zink came in and got shellacked, giving up 6 runs in one and third. Amazingly, Matt Hancock came in and gave up another three in the same timeframe, walking SIX. They ended up losing 12-9.

Wilmington provides the sole win in the organization today, defeating Kinston 9-2 behing a solid Luis Mendoza start. Mendoza has looked pretty good. Taylor Sturge finished the game off an lowered his season ERA to 1.52 with Wilmington. CF speedster Jacoby Ellsbury had two hits and a stolen base, and continues to make the case for promotion.

By the way, Minor League Baseball's web site is pretty comprehensive, and also lists the games that are internet broadcast for audio in case you're bored one afternoon at work. Try it sometime, it's good times. If the Sox keep playing like they have the past couple games it could be the best part of the baseball season.

White-knuckle flight

Well, what were we expecting, I mean really? After all is said and done, these are still the Boston Red Sox. Bizarre downturns are to be expected. Head-scratching losses are to be expected. Abysmal, coronary-inducing relief performances are to be expected. Ladies and gentleman, we are about to enter what I like to call The Dark Times.

Every year it happens, although this year could be pretty damn terrible. The Sox start losing a few games they should win, confidence gets a little shaky, then somebody or 4 people hit the DL, and it's time for the team to gut it out for a few weeks until they can right the ship. Let's see what we're up against at this point.

1. $9 Million per year #4 starter Matt Clement has gone batshit. Opposing hitters are going up there with this strategy: "stand there until he walks you - it should only take 4 pitches - but if he gives you that meatball down the gut, kill it". There is no easy solution here, even via trade. Either Clement figures it out or we are going to be seeing some pretty creative rotation managing.
2. Morbidly obese #5 starter Fatty McFatFat is also hurt after getting nailed by a line drive off the leg, hit by AAAA player Nick Green (just to add insult to injury). The downside here is that he was pitching very effectively at the time, and we don't know the extent of the injury yet. He could be out for some time. The upside is that the shock of his corpulent mass hitting the earth didn't shake down the new construction at Fenway. Best case scenario, and one that this season relies pretty heavily on, is that he medicates himself with beer and comes back strong.
   
3. The Jeep, Risky Dave and the Anti-Christ are all over the place. They need to figure out if they suck or are decent, and be that. The inconsistency is making Tito's job very difficult and is causing me to engage in homicidal thoughts that frighten my wife. (note: for new readers - hahaha! right - Taverez is The Jeep, Seanez is the Anti-Christ, and you can probably figure out the last guy)
4. Ditto Keith Foulke, except he's not supposed to be decent, he's supposed to be money. His ability to completely shit the bed is one of the biggest issues we have going on right now. On top of that, he's a dick. But whatever; he can be a dick if he doesn't pitch like Rolando Arrojo.
5. Mike Timlin is injured, although it doesn't appear to be serious. Still, Mike is 62 years old, and probably won't heal as fast as he used to. Also, if he is unwise and convinces Tito to let him go hunting while he rehabs, there is an excellent chance he could be shot in the face by a member of the White House cabinet.
   
6. Wily Mo Pena Super Genius is injured. While Manny is healthy this is more of an entertainment concern than anything else, but still, that counts - it's just fun to watch Wily Mo strike out and look puzzled in one at-bat, then single on a fluke grounder that gets stuck in the catcher's eyeball in the next at-bat and act like it's a perfectly normal occurrence .
7. We apparently managed to rejuvenate POS Randy Johnson in ESPN's Sucky Game of the Week last week. I guess the Sox just like the Yanks to feel good about themselves. That is the kind of warm fuzzy thinking that is great at the coffee shop and in traffic, but which pretty much blows in a pennant race. While the Sox are playing above their Pythag expected win percentage the Yanks are well below. The expected correction puts the Sox into second place by a fair bit.
8. Toronto is still pretty damn good. If we had to go into a three-way playoff with the MFYs and Toronto right now, I'd have to put even money on Toronto given their health.
   

Now, from looking at this list you might be thinking "Holy Crap! All is lost!!" and there is a good chance you could be right. But this is a good baseball team. Let's look at what the Sox have going for them:

1. Manny and Papi. Still the best 3-4 combination in baseball, and a delight to watch at the plate. Manny has been bothered by some dings, but he will need to step up now.
2. Mike Lowell's Lazarus impression. Who'd have thunk it? Of course his BABIP is well over .400 and that is pretty much impossible to maintain but still he has been a shining star. His glove at third has been impeccable also.
3. Coco Crisp is back. Like Wil Smith, Coco is a guy who can energize teammates, except apparently relief pitchers. I am predicting that once Coco hits his stride he is going to start winning games by himself, sometimes by rapping in center field.
4. Beckett and Schilling are winning games. Both pitchers are going out there with the mindset that they will win, and are not deviating from this focus. While they continue to control games the team will stay in the race.
5. Papelbon continues to be a revelation at closer. It's been said before but a good closer makes things easier on the rest of the staff. Correlatively, an Anti-Christ makes things harder on the rest of the staff - this is intuitive.
6. Youks and Loretta are really hitting well. The numbers are there, for sure, but they are each taking great at-bats, making pitchers work, and doing good things with mistake pitches. Clinical, professional hitters - fun to watch.
7. Defense! The Sox infield is great, and the team defense overall is the best in the bigs, at least in terms of error rates. It could be overrated, it could be underrated, but it's definitely a plus.
8. Everyone has to worry about injuries. Troy Glaus could shatter at any moment. Burnett might never make it back. The Unit is always one foaming tirade away from the DL. Sheffield might have an "accident" while in County Jail. It's all about staying in the race.

So. Basically, we're right back where we were on Opening Day. Lots of questions, lots of good things on the table, lots of baseball to be played. I don't know why I waste so much time looking at it, but I do. These are the Boston Red Sox, and they just sort of worm their way in there. Let's hope they do the same for the ALCS.

Teh Suck.

Horrific, just a horrific couple of nights. Reminds you of old times doesn't it? A game that the Olde Towne Team should have easily won - a quick 2-0 lead against a creaky piece of shit, a hobbled Yankee lineup, home field advantage - goes inexplicably awry, almost as if the team is WILLING itself to lose, fueled by the almost impossible negativity and incompetence of Matt Clement. Ortiz's terrible 0-9 performance over the past two games has not helped, but let's talk about Clement here.

Let me be the first person to say I was wrong about Clement. I had hoped that the White Sox ALCS shellacking would be a watershed moment for Matt, that it would give him catharsis and he could start anew in 2006. I was wrong, oh, how I was wrong. Clement is a guy who is apparently cursed by what Poe described in the "Imp of the Perverse", a subconscious desire to make things worse for himself and those around him - to do wrong for wrong's sake. When he gets a bad call, he'll get wilder in ensuing pitches. If a guy gets a lucky hit on a good pitch, Clement will groove fastballs into the wheelhouse, as if giving Fate the finger (for reference see the at-bats of Williams and Long in the 4th tonight). In short, when Clement goes bad, he goes awful.

The question of course, is why the hell did Tito leave him in there? Once he starts to slide you pull him, if you care to win the game, and there are no games you can give to the Yankees, certainly not after you gift-wrapped them a game the very night before. That is exactly how teams start to slide, and it will be the true test of this team over the course of the next week. We'll see how they rebound from two embarrassing losses, where nothing went right.

If you're like me, and I pity you if this is the case, the thing that is bothering you about this game is the fact that once Clement collapsed you could feel that the Sox were not coming back. Bases-loaded, Papi at the plate, I never thought for a moment they would win this game.

Wily Mo Pena was so winded from the experience he was scared to take home plate after Farnsworth attempted to decapitate Loretta - probably thinking "this is going to bounce straight to Stinnet". AndI can't blame him. Psychologically it has got to be nearly impossible to get the equilibrium and focus you need to keep fighting back after watching a guy just go to pieces on the mound - again. If a guy has crappy stuff (hi Lenny) that night you just have to gut it out, but watching Clement mentally implode must take it out of everyone on the field. Their at-bats against the crappy Yankee relievers were just pathetic. The shots of the bench didn't look too hot either. Clement sucked the heart right out of that team.

Long story somewhat less long, Sybill has to go. He has good enough stuff to get you 10-12 wins against sub-.500 teams, and will throw the occasional surprise gem, but he cannot be a part of a playoff team. Like our beloved Nomah before him, his insanity casts a pall over every game he is in once things start to go wrong. The stat heads like to argue against "intangibles", and we all know there is a limit, but a baseball team needs to believe cohesively it can win any game, every game to go the distance. That's what I believe, and that's what every guy on the 2004 team will tell you.

I don't know if we can get anything for him, but I know this much - his time is short. If Wells come back strong and either Lester matures (a lot) or Clemens signs, I would expect to see a very one-sided deal made to be rid of his sorry, sorry ass. And I for one will be pleased. This team is good enough to go deep into the playoffs, but not with him in the rotation.

p.s. Please lord let me be wrong about him again. I promise I'll admit it even more quickly.

Some Minor League notes:

Every once in a while I will try to update "everyone" on various of our bright shining stars in the lower levels. There are some fun young guys to follow...

Jacoby Ellsbury: My favorite name in the minors, Ellsbury projects to be a Podsednik-style leadoff hitter/CF with speed to burn. Despite missing several games to injury Ellsbury is having a good season, hitting .329 with an OPS of .414, and 9 steals in 19 games. Today in his first at-bat Ellsbury singled, stole second, stole third and scored on the bad throw. He's a guy that can make things happen.

Dustin Pedroia: Everyone is waiting with bated breath for Pedroia to be ready for the bigs, and to prove he can play baseball. This is largely because Alex Gonzalez is a boil on the ass of the Red Sox offense, but also Pedroia is a dirt dog kind of player that will be loved in Boston. A bizarre shoulder injury caused him to miss all but the last few weeks, and he had a slow start afterwards, but he has been coming around as of late. A 3-for-3 day yesterday raised his average to .261 (down to .254 after 0-3 tonight), and he is still getting on base at a .356 clip. There are a lot of questions about DP's ceiling due to physical limitations, but most Sox fans would be happy to have him if he can approximate what he's done in the minors thus far.

John Lester: Everyone knows about the young left-hander. He struggled early in AAA this season but his last couple outings have been solid, and overall he's striking out a hitter per inning with decent control. My question about Lester pertains to his attitude - we know Paps has the killer instinct, but will John?

Chris Smith: Portland starter who is coming baclk from a labrum injury is throwing the ball very well, with a 2.01 ERA, 28 Ks and just 7 walks, although due to poor run support his record is just 3-3. He doesn't have a blazing fastball, but shows great control and has a repertoire of junk to pitch with. Abe Alvarez with better stuf.

David Murphy: Described by Sox Prospects as a "sweet swinging outfielder", Murphy thus far appears to be a streaky hitter who when he puts it together just catches fire. He started slow this year (again) but has done well lately. Showed what he can do in the Arizona fall League last year, but the question remains - does he become Trot Nixon, or Darren Bragg?

Tommy Hottovy: In Wilmington, Hottovy is duplicating Chris Smith's season, compiling a 4-3 record despite having a 2.17 ERA and a WHIP of just 1.00. Hottovy spent last season retooling his mechanics to throw more smoothly and preserve his arm, and while he struggled at that time, he seems to have found a rhythm now.

Jeff Natale: Another Shea favorite, the kid from Trinity just won't stop hitting. Sure, his fielding is suspect to some degree, but his batting stats thus far in 2006? An average of .336, an OBP of .475, and the kid is slugging .572 for an OPS of .1047. He's Ked 19 times and walked 34. I don't know how long they keep him down in Greenville (low-A) but I can't imagine it's long.

For the love of god.

This is the boxscore from tonight's game - read it if you can. The LOB column is particularly disconcerting. This will go down as one of the great ignoble losses of the 2006 season, made particularly loathsome due to the unpalatable HR Bad Timmeh gave up to uber-douche Arod and, correspondingly bad, Big Papi's 0-4 collar.

This was just one of those games where everything went wrong. It happens. It hurts that it happened against a Yankee team that is pretty beat up and against a Yankee starter that no longer has any business being in the bigs, but there you have it. Tomorrow's another day, and we'll be looking at a nailbiter with Matt "Sybill" Clement facing off against the brittle, psychotic, disfigured hick Randy Johnson. That will be one I just might have to sneak out early to watch.

7 Little, 8 Little, 9 Little Bats That Suck...

For tonight's "must-win" (in that in my mind all games against the Spanks are must-win) game against NY, the Sox trotted out Alex Cora, Doug Mirabelli, and Willie Harris to bat 7-8-9. I don't need to put a single stat down here for you to understand, thoroughly and completely, that you generally will not beat a quality team with those three albatrosses around your neck in the bottom third of the order. In fact, I bet you're thinking right now - if you haven't already turned on the game and said it out loud -"Sweet Jesus, is that all we have?!"

As it turns out, no. In spite of the fact that combined, they are not hitting over the Mendoza line, it could be worse. Alex Gonzalez could be hitting tonight, and then Cora's .242 wouldn't be there to lift the other guys up. I have always felt OK about having Cora in the lineup, but that was when I assumed he would be the worst bat in it! Mirabelli is done, he just can't hit anymore, but Willie Harris could never hit. Ever.

I joke about the Yankees having to trot Bernie out there in CF and Melky Cabrera out in RF but seriously, given a choice between Melky and Willie, I'm pretty damn sure I'd take Melky. Shit, Melky's hitting .306 and getting on base 1/3 of his at-bats. Willie is being diminutive. That's all he brings to the table, the fact that he lets me use the term "diminutive". That's it.

Meanwhile, it's the third inning and Bad Tim has knocked Good Tim unconscious and taken the reigns. The Sox are already down 3-0, Bad Tim is walking guys left and right and getting peppered by the GQ brothers Johnny and Jetes. Everything about the game is sucking, and I still have to look at Willie Harris's name on the lineup sheet. Wily Mo, heal thyself.

Now, nothing is over. If your team loses to Jaret Wright, they cannot call themselves a championship team, so there is still hope. Granted, they're playing crippled, but still, I have faith in Little Paper-Arm's ability to blow up. All I know for sure is that he won't do it in the bottom third of the order.

Note: I am lying my ass off in that last paragraph. There is no way this or any team can come back from three down with Dougie and Willie getting at-bats and Bad Timmeh on the mound. This check's been cashed. Turn on the Simpsons, pronto.

Sox far Sox good. Well, pretty good.

I am thinking now is as good a time as any to take a moment and reflect on where we are in the American League. Nothing else is happening, that's for goddamn sure (when I started this beast the Sox had been rained out twice). On the plus side here in sunny California I can just read "PPD" on Yahoo! from my desk rather than hearing it on WEEI while I'm stuck in traffic with my windshield wipers firing back and forth across my road-rage filled car. Good times. (Before anyone starts bitching about the rain let me point out that it rained 19 days in a row here in March - that's right, 19)


AL EAST

The only statistic that counts shows the Sox in first place with a game on the malicious Yankees, at 23-14, for a .622 winning percentage. This is nothing to scoff at, as the AL East is a pretty tough decision to win in when you are playing the Yanks and Blue Jays every week. At present the Sox are 17-9 against their division rivals, which bodes well. Loretta is hitting very well again, and Gonzalez has raised his average 40 points in the last three weeks, so those are bright signs (although I am in no way implying that Seabass will not suck all year long). Offensively Varitek continues to struggle with a .717 OPS, and one has to wonder if the WBC was a great idea for an aging catcher, but I doubt very much that he's done. The Globe thinks perhaps he has begun rebounding.

Currently the most pressing issue the team faces offensively is deciding what to do with Crisp upon his return. With Youks sporting a .423 OBP (seriously, can we take a moment for Youks? He's getting on base 42% of his at-bats, it's unbelievable) it will be tough for Tito to make the decision to move him down in the lineup. Crisp's speed gives you some more options out there but he doesn't get on like Youks does, and while Loretta hits behind runners well, it's oftentimes just as good to have a guy sitting out there anywhere at all with Ortiz and Manny coming up. Francona's comments indicate that Crisp will bat leadoff though, so we'll see. The other head in this equation is Wily Mo Pena Super Genius who just might actually be a Super Genius. You hate to see WMP losing at-bats because he just does great things when he gets to play. He's getting nothing to hit, and is still striking out almost a third of the time, but is averaging better than an RBI every 5 at-bats, which puts him in Big Papi territory. Wily Mo is results-oriented.

Pitching continues to be solid with the exception of International Man of Annoying Mystery Matt Clement. It's possible that my prediction that Matt would have a career season jinxed him, but it's probably more likely that he's just crazy as a shithouse rat. This is a guy with absolutely no faith in his stuff. He is currently the single last person on earth you want on the mound in a must-win big game, and that, generally, is not what you're looking for in a $10Mil a year starter. Dinardo, despite a couple tough-looking scorelines, is pitching pretty well, and is absolutely a serviceable 5th starter at under $400k a year. I think Lenny has a good make-up and I think he's going to get better. So, if he now begins to suck, we can attribute it and Clement's suck to my jinx. Then we can call it the Shea Suck Jinx, and I can sell it on TV for people to use on their enemies.

Overall, the Sox look like what they are - a pretty well-built team with a core of solid veterans who know how to win ballgames. Their actual winning percentage is .622, but their Pythagorean predicted winning percentage (more or less Runs Scored squared over Runs Scored squared plus Runs Allowed squared) is a mere .569. There are a couple reasons for this. One is they are 6-3 in one-run games. The other is that they are not blowing teams out, so there is no padding in the run differential overall. So, really, I guess there is one reason for this - they're not winning by a lot. (Note: since writing this they annihilated Baltimore, when I began their pythag WP was .542 and actual was .600) We should feel good that they are capable of doing so - the White Sox were 35-19 in one-run games last season. Good teams win close ballgames.

They are also a pretty lucky team. I've talked a little bit about WPA (Win Probability Added) in this space before, and the graph here tells a pretty interesting story - namely that in terms of WPA the second-best player on the Red Sox is the other teams' crappy fielding. It's pretty hard to imagine that trend continuing at this level, but every good team knows how to take advantage of a break, and the Sox are a good baseball team. It helps that we do not give runs away - the Sox have only 12 errors as a team in 2006, and the next fewest is 18.

New York obviously caught a tough break with my fantasy left-fielder Matsui (see a trend?) breaking his wrist, but age is starting to catch up with this team too. Sheffield is on the DL with a knock, Johnson is looking a little creaky on the mound, and Posada is slower than ever. Mussina, Jeter, and Giambi's performance-enhancing drugs are carrying that team right now, and when they start to regress it could get tough for Spankee fans. One thing is certain - if you have a nearly $200 Mil payroll and Bubba Crosby and Melky Cabrera are starting games, something has definitely gone wrong. Given their vast resources don't be surprised to see a trade happen at some point, where they eat another bloated contract in exchange for one of their quality low minors prospects (of which there are a few) and loads of cash. Torii Hunter must be looking real good right about now.

Toronto hangs in there at only 2.5 games behind, despite Josh Towers going 1-7 in his first 8 games - a record that is not indicative of his quality as a pitcher. If Towers returns to some semblance of form, and Toronto keeps scoring runs at their AL East-leading rate, that one game margin probably goes away. If and when Burnett comes off the DL, there is more to worry about. The Jays are built to score runs, and if their pitchers are all healthy and pitching just to projected averages, that team is going to be very, very tough to beat. The AL East could very well be decided by teams' #4 and #5 starters, and Toronto matches up well there. On the other hand, they are located in Toronto, and that has to hurt you in some way.

Baltimore is, well, Baltimore. The more things change, the more things stay the same. Leo Mazzone has not turned around a pitching staff that continues to find ways to lose. Generally their plan is to give up more runs that they score, which they have done to excess. Their 239 Runs Against leads the majors. They were hitting the ball well, but have faltered offensively a bit too. Now, I suppose there is always the chance that they are just working through adjustments, and that the Mazzone factor will kick in and they will go on a tear, but I wouldn't run to Vegas with that idea just yet. At this point in time Daniel Cabrera has 43 Ks and 39 BBs - not usually indicative of a breakout season (he has since gone on the DL). If Miggy didn't want to be traded in the offseason, I bet he does now. Maybe he'll go play LF for the Yankees (shhhh!).

Finally, Tampa Bay. Ahh, the sweet smell of a team that lives just to be the spoiler. They don't score runs, they don't prevent runs. All they do is make unreasonable trade demands. They've given up 219 runs to put them just behind Baltimore in the Majors for letting opposing players cross the plate - wonder if having two closers with ERAs well over 6 could have contributed? They've scored just 163, due to having 5 regular or semi-regular players batting under .200 for the season, watching Joey Gathright hover at .208, and dealing with Rocco Baldelli's injured Whole Body. Looking at the team stats is an exercise in depression. On the plus side, their sure-fire, can't-miss prospect Delmon Young has been suspended for 50 games because he threw a bat at an umpire. Genius.

AL CENTRAL

The White Sox continue to tear it up, but Detroit, riding a maturing starting rotation and some power at the plate (tied for league-leading 56 HRs) , are only a half-game out in the Central.

The White Sox were a great team, and all they did was go add one the best sluggers in the game in Jim Thome. Now he is healthy, and he is killing the ball. Barring a spate of injuries, or the untimely decision to have Ozzie Guillen committed to an institution, this team goes the World Series again, end of story.

Detroit is an obvious surprise, in that they are doing so very well. It was clear that someday Bonderman and Robertson and Maroth would mature, but hard to say when. This year the Tigers team ERA is 3.27 and is the only Al team ERA under 4 - pretty impressive. Magglio Ordonez is on the field, which is a surprise unto itself, and he is on fire. Inge just keeps getting better, showing some pop this year to go with his increased plate discipline. And Curtis Granderson and Chris Shelton have emerged as future stars, at least in the early going. I think this team is for real, and they make the playoff picture all that much murkier. For my part, I am rooting for Detroit largely because they were Magnum PI's team of choice, and he was the greatest detective of this or any other era. Only Magnum got beat up every episode. That used to be the Tigers, but they're fighting back.

On the flip side of the coin is Cleveland. If you had told me that they would be under .500 and nearly 8 games out of first place at this point in the season I would have said you were crazy, and there would probably have been a swear in there. Yet that's what has happened, and this has occurred with Casey Blake having a career season that is now in Webster's next to "aberration". To some degree they don't deserve to be where they are - their Pythag winning percentage is .558, so they should be well above .500 strictly speaking in terms of run differential. But to another, more real degree, their starting pitching is just awful, and that's how you lose games. The Pythag is not a great predictor because teams like Cleveland can win games 15-1 and 15-3 with some regularity and it screws everything up. The thing is, if your team can score 15 runs in a game twice in a month, why can't they win more? These are tough questions.

Minnesota is another disappointment, just ask their beleaguered fans. How could it go so wrong? Their team ERA is 5.57. Santana is just 4-3. Radke is pitching batting practice out there, but both Lohse and Silva are worse with ERA's near 9. Their DH, acquired expressly to hit DH, is hitting .187 with an OPS of .420. FOUR-TWENTY!! There are enough good things happening, and enough good players on this team that we can't write them off completely, but the AL Central is a very difficult place to make a living these days, and their odds are not good. This is sad, because Twin Cities folk are good people and deserve better. Luckily, they have it, in the St. Paul Saints. Everybody wins at Saints games.

Let's not talk about Kansas City. Ok, a little bit. They are 2-18 on the road. If I were them I would seriously consider forfeiting all road games and just seeing if they could put all their money towards three great pitchers to win home games. I think their season would go better.

AL WEST

The West is looking pretty poor. To be honest, they look like shit.

Texas is in first place, and as we all know, Texas sucks. Case in point, just last night they blew a nine-run lead to the Yankees, and got beaten on a walk-off HR by no-talent Mr. Potato Head Jorge Posada. This game will serve two purposes. One, it will tell the Rangers and all the other teams in the division all they need to know about the Rangers. Two, and you would think there would be an inverse relationship between this and #1 but there isn't, it will add to the "Yankee mystique" that lets teams with no confidence choke away games to the Spankees and allow them to make the playoffs when they shouldn't. I'm talking to you, Oakland, Baltimore, Minnesota, Cleveland! Don't piss me off!

Short version, I don't expect Texas to be in first place for very long. Oakland's pitching is better than we have seen, although the Loioza signing was a mistake, and so is their offense. Dan Johnson is in a slump of truly apocalyptic proportions (dare I say Rondellian?) and Crosby isn't hitting yet, but they will. As they are a team that typically hits their stride in the summer, and they are a well-built team, I suspect we will see them atop the West in the next couple of weeks, now that they've gotten their roll-over for the Spanks out of the way. Moreover, As baseball television ads are the funniest ads on TV, so they get props for that.

The Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles are a bit of mystery, but it becomes slightly clearer when you realize they signed win-killing virus Jeff Weaver in the off-season. If he goes 3-4 instead of 1-6 they're just a couple games back. As it stands they're just a half-game in front of sad sacks Seattle, and their fans are wondering why in hell they're not parked on the freeway hating on each other instead. Of course those are the same fans who will claim to have been behind them the entire time when they're in the mix come August, because the team has too much talent to languish behind the goddamn Texas Rangers. In my mind, if you've got two decent starters and Vlad Guerrero, you can see the playoffs from anywhere in the AL West.

Also-rans Seattle are right on target to duplicate their .426 WP from last year. At least they're consistent. Young shortstop Yuniensky Betancourt is out-slugging both "Self-Nut-Punch Acquisition" Adrian Beltre and "Um, We Did It Again? Acquisition" Richie Sexson. Sexson by the way is below the Mendoza line. To be quite frank, neither of the two tools has an OPS over .600. Beltre has never seen a pitch he didn't like, and hasn't seen very many at all he can hit. At this point Mariners fans have only one reason to live, and that is to see King Felix reach his glorious potential, which we can assume he hasn't, sitting at 2-5 with a 5.71 ERA. For myself, I live to see Ichiro turn down a trade to the Yankees in about two weeks. But deep down I fear Shemp will convince him it's the right thing to do and then I will have to hate him. This makes me sad.

That's all for now - back to thanking Jesus that he invented the Baltimore Orioles and ruminating on what Wily Mo should call himself when he decides to become a superhero.